*Still on break from kutuk-ing myself.
--- To my shining star [literally],
I may hate you today, but I'll love you forever, and even after that....
I want to change. The "new Shad" I keep on telling people.
Can we really ever change?
Ok, must be less emo.
My "kindheartedcaringdoesnotliketobeatthecrapoutofme" housemate/classmate says;
I'm too depressed. that I keep myself locked up in some cocoon. that I have issues. that I, have issues. that I have, issues.
I'm unpleasant. To be with. To look at. To talk too. But I'm happy?
Shouldn't that count for something???
Shouldn't it????
I'm so messed up.
OOOOOOO, I almost forgot????!!!!!!!!
My, "kindheartedcaringdoesnotliketobeatthecrapoutofme" housemate/classmate ALSO said;
I keep everything "INSIDE" and, what was it again? Like, mmm, I act like everything's ok on the "OUTSIDE" but I'm way beyond repair in the inside.
In short. I'm fake. Wteff no. I am not fake! I "WAS" fake. Past tense. I'm me now. Seriously! Serious wei!
[maybe if I repeat it 10thousand times it'll come true.]
I can't change, cause that would defeat the whole purpose of being me. I want to be nice. er. but...
I am nice. I think. How effing nice.er can I effing be???
*** do not talk bad about others. [hard]
*** forgive and forget. ok, so maybe just forgive. or, just forget? [confused]
*** smile. and actually mean it. [way hard]
Irshad; you are not in high school anymore. Sure you have family issues. You think you're ugly. You think you're fat. People hate you. You hate people.
EVERYONE FEELS THE SAME!!! Stop complaining. Makes you look weak, pathetic and gay.
I'm not gay. Believe me. I tried. I wish I was. They're so much happier.
I want. To change. I don't want to be Shad. [simple solution, I'm Shad no longer, just call me Khairi. *tadaaaaa! Genius. ((call me Khairi, I'll kill you))]
---------
no
listen
u are human
its not wrong
i'd be hurt if it happened to me
----------
you are you. you havent changed. this is you
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u try so hard to please everyone
when u dont need or have to
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God I love you. Thanks, for making me feel more human, and less pathetic.
To another completely different person: I think I might just be n love with you. Sorry.
GodI'msuchadramaking.
2 comments:
ok khairi(kill me)
haha ye la shad.
hurmm..from my point of view, i see that ur trying too hard to make ppl believe that ur happy. i mean pls, if ur really happy, u dont really need to be contemplating with urself kan?
its ok to look weak and vulnerable.
it really is ok.
no matter what u r, there'll always be ppl who won't like it.
and you, pls2 stop talking bad abt urself. muhasabah diri mmg penting but jgn smpi destruktif sebegini.
pls enlighten me why r u doing this to urself..u need someone to talk to, and express ur feelings. and i can be that person. i dont know u, u dont know me.so, i can't be bias kan?
lg satu, sungguh x gay klu pakai cardigan n body shop stuff. da bnde tuh bagus, kesah ape? org2 yg kutuk tuh da xde modal lain. tah la. bnde2 cmtu pon nk dibuatkn hal. haihh
thank you for the concern. (:
imfinekthankyoubye.
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