Teh Ais

How is it possible that, in midst of blaring happiness, I still manage to resemble a poignant image?


I feel ungrateful. Healthy, wealthy, blessed, but ungrateful.






Life has always treated me with such unimaginable kindness, but I've always been unkind, to both life, and those who I share it with.

I should be more grateful.


Truth is, and yes I admit, I miss you. All of you. But I can't help feeling like, that t-shirt that just decided to disappear after laundry day. No one, myself included, ever feels the need to search for that sad, pathetic t-shirt. But, I'm surrounded by heart shapes that faithfully follow me wherever, whenever.

I should be more grateful.




And you don't need me anymore, though I painfully need you. How I found you, so very like me, I can never understand. God answered my prayers, and led me towards you. You're the sibbling I never had, the friend I only dreamed of. You're my balance in life, and you keep me honest and sane. I can tell you anything and everything without a tinge of worry in mind. But you found life in love. And you grew out of being stagnant. And you left me alone, right where we met; in my confused state of mind. I know I sound selfish, and I admit that I am, but can't I be selfish, just this once? I mean, seriously, after all the self-neglection that I inflict upon myself, can't I just be selfish? But she's still by my side, though hundreds of miles away, she's always in my pocket, and just a heart beat away.

I should be more grateful.

I love every strand of hair that grows on your head. How can't I? We have the same messy and unmanageable hair, the same small un-Malay like eyes, the same dark, red skin, the same large forehead... But you seem to forget that I'm no more older than that precious gem. How could I possibly carry your burden... I comfort you when he hates you. I follow you, just so you won't feel alone. I live my life revolving over yours. But you're never there for me. And you're always wrong, always... I cannot stand another day of you releasing all that ugly anger you possess by lashing it out at me. I'm 20, and that may be old enough, but, you're 55, and he's 55, and he's 25, and he's 23. My point is, I'm younger, and I want to be treated as such. But, I'll always have you. Even if you're 15, and even if you don't understand what is happening, and even if you don't talk to me much, I'll still, always, have you.

I should be more grateful.




And you, after my tiring pleas, and your anything but sincere forgiveness, you still deem me as unworthy. I know I treated you like no one should have been treated, but I changed all that makes me me, and only for you... But, you forgave me, when I know it must have been the hardest thing for you to do.

I should be more grateful.










Everything's moving, developing, at a very, fast pace. And though I'm surrounded by this large crowd, I know I'm standing alone.

But I should really be more grateful, because at the very least, I still have me.




[gambar ini di-edit oleh Diana Syakila Syukor. pffft, ape2jelah.]

Mee Sua

Spent the whole day in front of my laptop, watching 6 episodes of New Zealand's Next Top Model on Youtube. The girls are much more model-like compared to those ANTM hags.

No food, just a drilling headache. I don't do "sit-in-front-of-laptop-for-hours".





I hate Sundays in Melaka.





Heard "my people" aka fellow Contract Law failures are dropping the subject.


Was confident yesterday, now not so much.


Dear God, I suck. Help this worthless soul you created. Amin.




Wish I could turn back time, and be here;




Amanina, aku doakan kau.

Kris Allen, marry me.



Help :(

Gourmet Laksa

The week after my dramatic escape was, in short, kind.


If I've never said it before, well, I want all of you [my dear friends] to know that the time where I'll say "thank you guys for being perfect friends" will never come.


OK shit. I think I just indirectly said it. [Ego tak???]




So, being a true temporary-Malaccan [I emphasise on "temporary"], I spent my Friday evening in Dataran Pahlawan/DP/Whatever you wanna call it...

It was a breath of fresh air, after the hell of a week I had had...

Ate my Gourmet Laksa at Zen.

Then bought my favourite Jeli Anggur from that bakery in front of Zen.

Went to watch the funniest and sexiest Mall Cop ever... Paul Blart I'm truly madly deeply in lust with you.



Then...



Went to some hiasan-rumah-kedai-RM5 shop.

You know those key chains with birthdays on them??? And they have descriptions of people who were born on a particular birthday???

Well...



We thought it would be fun to read our birthdays.



Thought it was a good idea.



Thought wrong.



26 June, Farida Zohra; "people born on this date are loyal to their friends and are good listeners".

SHOCKINGLY TRUE OMG OMG OMG OWHMAIGOT!



22 December, Adiba Farhana; "people born on this date are positive, a ray of sunshine".

HMMMM, I would like to exercise my right to remain silent. Sunshine konon.



15 June, Prince Irshad K.J, of Seremban, N9, Malaysia [feel free to puke];

"they are free spirited".

EH BETUL LAH! WAH! Begitu...



"they are fearful of commitment"

W. T. F! aku manede takut commitment! kot. ok. aku delusi. tau.




But my point is, why, eh no, HOW could they put sunshine and positiveness and loyalty on the other birthdays and put goddamneffing FEARFUL OF COMMITMENT on mine!?!




Jahat lah kau.




Whatev I don't believe in magic I don't believe in miracles I don't believe in love and I SURE AS HELL GODDAMN DO NOT BELIEVE IN STUPID KEY CHAINS!




Dramatic much???




On a lighter note... I have decided that I will not withdraw/drop Contract Law. I failed. It happened. I'll wing it. I'm gonna take it like a man. [OK, har har, laugh all you want...]


I'll pass the finals. And if I don't... Eh, Segi College nye law ok tak???

[touch wood touch wood CHOY!]






Kris Allen ditch your wife and marry me I could make you happy make you're dreams come true go to the end of the world for you there is nothing that I wouldn't do to make you feel my love...






Must. Study. Finals. 3 Weeks. Contract. Law. Sucks. Kill. Me. Now.












p/s; I love you. Hahah. No no.


p/s; Is it Nasi Cina Ayam Ala Zul, or Nasi Zul Cina Ala Ayam, or Nasi Zul Ayam Ala Cina, or Nasi Ayam Cina Ala Zul.....???




IKJ.

Nasi Lemak Kampung Baru

Ok I'm back. I know, no one cares, but yeah, I'm back...



So I failed contract, and went berserk for a week. Who cares.

So I have to hantar my car for service, but I'm broke. Who cares.

So I've picked up a bad habit, again. Who cares.

So I'm becoming uglier day by day. Who cares.

So my heart is turning black. Who cares.

So I'm indirectly killing myself. Who cares.

So I'm slowly dying. Again. Who cares.





Thing is...









I care........










And so yeah, back to the topic... I. Failed. Contract.

A mere 5.3/20, which becomes 5/20 when ianya dibundarkan.

Not even a six.




God I'm dumb...



How do you react when you turn dumb???

Ok, so when she gave us the results, I smiled... Looked to Rathi, and smiled... Left the class, still smiling... Told Rathi I was running eh no, going back to Seremban, while still smiling... Met Zakwan in the library, told him I failed, still smiling... Met with Ng Kai Choy, told him I got below 10, still faithfully smiling. Went to the bank. Met Amirah Yasmin, told her I failed, still smiling...


Went back to my apartment, packed my clothes, took my laptop, and headed to my car, sickeningly still smiling. Got in my car, and drove out of my apartment, to the highway, while still smiling.


Drove for an hour and a half, 70km/h, while still smiling.

Saw the "Sempadan Negeri Sembilan" signboard. Stopped smiling.

Called Maryam. Felt depressed [cause she reminded me of MMU, which reminded me of law, which reminded me of Contract, which reminded me of failing...]

Called Diana. Felt, light.er. Then, started to smile again, this time, really smile.

Saw the "Senawang - 2km" signboard. Stopped smiling.


"anda tak perlu pulang mungkin, esok boleh pulang, terus ke Nilai"


Saw the Senawang exit. Stopped smiling. Slowed down the car. Turned on the left blinker.


...


Sped up. Missed the Senawang exit.

Smiled again.


Melaka-Nilai-Cyberjaya-Damansara-KL-KL-KL-KL-KL-KL-slums of KL-Cheras-KL-Kampung Baru-KL-Damansara Utama/Damansara something else??-Subang Jaya-USJ 13-Kampung Baru-Nilai-Seremban.



Slept in the carpark, of a goddamn kedekut hotel.



Me, Diana, the Sodomizor, one night, and Nasi Lemak Kampung Baru.





:) [tersenyum sejenak]



"ala, takpe anda, kalau sesat pon, kite masih dalam Malaysia"




(wished Maryam was there...)







Thank you D. Wouldn't have made it without you.



p/s: I'm feeling better now.

Salmon Quiche

I got to see my family this weekend.

Its amazing how you never realise just how much you miss your family until you actually see them in like, inch-close distance. I know this may sound, erm, stupid/common/random/duhh [your choice], but if you had known me 5 years back... Boy would you understand.




5 years back,

I was 15 years old.

Wondering if I had reached puberty yet [believe me, its confusing]

Wishing for facial hair to grow.

Hating school.

Wondering if I was straight/otherwise so.

Dreaming; of college, of living in my own apartment, having my own car, becoming a famous
super duper gorgeous fashion designer...

Reading feminine magazines under the covers.

Secretly watching ANTM when everyone was asleep.





And...

Hating the family.

Ok, ok. I promise this won't be a depressing post. Ke arah Irshad yang baru. Begitu.

My point is, I was that kid [cewah, "that kid", sekarang dewasa telah mungkin. Yakni, mungkin???].

Insecure, delusional, uncomfortable in my own body, delusional, and well yes, I hated my family. Felt like the black sheep, with lighter skin of course [no offence]. Felt like life was unfair, that they didn't love me enough, they didn't care yada yada yada and all that crap.




At 10, I couldn't wait to be 15.


Then I turned 15.


I thought, when I'm 20 I'll be more matured, grown up... I also thought, I would have found someone. Stop singing in public. Become masculine. Having fun. Living life.


I turn 20 in two months time. *hint hint


Have I changed??? Well let me put it this way. I still sing [badly and way out of tune] in public. And as far as becoming more masculine is concerned, well, I hit a dead end at 15.





I'm still as clueless as I was at 15. No. Screw that. I'm more clueless now. Nothing, has changed. Literally.

I still wonder if I've reached puberty [ok, maybe not, cause I'm sure its only supposed to happen once, maybe. I dunno. --note to self; must find more guy friends, and ask.--]

I'm still wishing for more facial hair.

I still hate school. AND now, even college.

I still want to be gorgeous.


Age is just a number. And as I suck in maths, or in simpler terms, "bangang maths", age must be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy unimportant.

And, my family, still manages to forget that I am the second last child in the family. I'm young. er. Than most of you. And yet... I'm the one who has to listen to her screaming when they piss them off. And I'm the one who suffers from lack of financial assistance due to their poor judgments and stupidity. For once, I want to be able to share my problems, and not have you look the other way, not caring...




Hmmm.





Maybe life will be better when I turn 25...





p/s: "Tak Hilang Melayu Di Dunia". Oh. Begitu rupanya.


Pfft this post is soooo depressing. Am seriously gonna talk about boobs and cars in the next post.

Gulai Tempoyak Ikan Patin

So...


I was doing my Constitutional Law assignment, writing about the Separation of Powers in Malaysia.

Having not paying much attention in part 1 of this subject, I totally forgot what to call Malaysia.

Constitutional Monarch?

Democratic?

As I was pretty much lazy to open up that ugly black book, and my usually helpful housemate/classmate decided to sleep for the whole day, I took the easiest option, I "wiki-ed" Malaysia.


.....as a country that practices the parliamentary system......

Oh. "country that practices the parliamentary system".

Begitu rupanya.





You know what I like about Wikipedia?


The ability to gain much unnecessary information.

--I first searched for Malaysia.

--Then I saw the "Malaysian Malays" link.

And found this;

Languages: Predominantly Malay with limited usage of English.

Biar saya memberi emphasis terhadap perkataan"limited" di sini.

Komen saya, Oh. Begitu.

--From the "Malaysian Malays" page, I saw the "Minangkabau" link.

--And from the "Minangkabau" page, I saw the "Negeri Sembilan" link.

--Being born and, sort of bred in Negeri Sembilan, I got interested and I clicked.

Wikipedia has powerful magic. They made Negeri Sembilan look, nice. I became curious.


--And then I saw the link for "Seremban", my hometown.

--I clicked, read the first paragraph, then the second, and then, POOOOFtadaaaa!

City status

Seremban is one of four state capitals that has not achieved city status (Bandar raya) other than Kota Bharu, Kuantan and Kangar. However, the Malaysian Ministry of Housing and Local Government has approved Seremban to be declared a city by 9 September 2009. To achieve the city status, the state government has agreed that Majlis Perbandaran Nilai and Majlis Perbandaran Seremban will be combined together.

Seremban, is, apparently, not a city. In other words, I live, in a place, that is not, a city. In other words...

I'm a hill billy.

A Malaysian.

Negeri Sembilanian.

Serembanian.

hill billy.

And "to acheive the city status, the state government has agreed that Majlis Perbandaran NILAI and Majlis Perbandaran Seremban will be combined together".

What the french connection united kingdom! Have these people ever been to Nilai?

Nilai 1.

Nilai 2.

Nilai 3.

Perlu kah!?!

Hmmm, tapi beli kain murahlah.

The City of Seremban-Nilai, home of cheap cloths and textile.

Oh. Begitu.

And did you know that Malaysia, though a gazillion times smaller than Australia, has a larger population?

Hmmm... Condoms. They may break. And, bak kata Melayu, "tak feel". But at least you won't have "ooops!" babies.

Along, planned.

Angah, panned.

Alang, planned.

Ateh, oops.

Acik, oops.

Adik, oops.

The lesser you have sex, the more space you have in our beloved country. Think about that when you pull out your Asian-sized penis or allow one to enter you.

An alternative, be gay. [babies? what babies?]

I hate it when I get all educational. Sort of.

Sigh. Imma hill billy, from Bukan Bandaraya Seremban.