Salmon Quiche

I got to see my family this weekend.

Its amazing how you never realise just how much you miss your family until you actually see them in like, inch-close distance. I know this may sound, erm, stupid/common/random/duhh [your choice], but if you had known me 5 years back... Boy would you understand.




5 years back,

I was 15 years old.

Wondering if I had reached puberty yet [believe me, its confusing]

Wishing for facial hair to grow.

Hating school.

Wondering if I was straight/otherwise so.

Dreaming; of college, of living in my own apartment, having my own car, becoming a famous
super duper gorgeous fashion designer...

Reading feminine magazines under the covers.

Secretly watching ANTM when everyone was asleep.





And...

Hating the family.

Ok, ok. I promise this won't be a depressing post. Ke arah Irshad yang baru. Begitu.

My point is, I was that kid [cewah, "that kid", sekarang dewasa telah mungkin. Yakni, mungkin???].

Insecure, delusional, uncomfortable in my own body, delusional, and well yes, I hated my family. Felt like the black sheep, with lighter skin of course [no offence]. Felt like life was unfair, that they didn't love me enough, they didn't care yada yada yada and all that crap.




At 10, I couldn't wait to be 15.


Then I turned 15.


I thought, when I'm 20 I'll be more matured, grown up... I also thought, I would have found someone. Stop singing in public. Become masculine. Having fun. Living life.


I turn 20 in two months time. *hint hint


Have I changed??? Well let me put it this way. I still sing [badly and way out of tune] in public. And as far as becoming more masculine is concerned, well, I hit a dead end at 15.





I'm still as clueless as I was at 15. No. Screw that. I'm more clueless now. Nothing, has changed. Literally.

I still wonder if I've reached puberty [ok, maybe not, cause I'm sure its only supposed to happen once, maybe. I dunno. --note to self; must find more guy friends, and ask.--]

I'm still wishing for more facial hair.

I still hate school. AND now, even college.

I still want to be gorgeous.


Age is just a number. And as I suck in maths, or in simpler terms, "bangang maths", age must be wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy unimportant.

And, my family, still manages to forget that I am the second last child in the family. I'm young. er. Than most of you. And yet... I'm the one who has to listen to her screaming when they piss them off. And I'm the one who suffers from lack of financial assistance due to their poor judgments and stupidity. For once, I want to be able to share my problems, and not have you look the other way, not caring...




Hmmm.





Maybe life will be better when I turn 25...





p/s: "Tak Hilang Melayu Di Dunia". Oh. Begitu rupanya.


Pfft this post is soooo depressing. Am seriously gonna talk about boobs and cars in the next post.