Teh Ais

How is it possible that, in midst of blaring happiness, I still manage to resemble a poignant image?


I feel ungrateful. Healthy, wealthy, blessed, but ungrateful.






Life has always treated me with such unimaginable kindness, but I've always been unkind, to both life, and those who I share it with.

I should be more grateful.


Truth is, and yes I admit, I miss you. All of you. But I can't help feeling like, that t-shirt that just decided to disappear after laundry day. No one, myself included, ever feels the need to search for that sad, pathetic t-shirt. But, I'm surrounded by heart shapes that faithfully follow me wherever, whenever.

I should be more grateful.




And you don't need me anymore, though I painfully need you. How I found you, so very like me, I can never understand. God answered my prayers, and led me towards you. You're the sibbling I never had, the friend I only dreamed of. You're my balance in life, and you keep me honest and sane. I can tell you anything and everything without a tinge of worry in mind. But you found life in love. And you grew out of being stagnant. And you left me alone, right where we met; in my confused state of mind. I know I sound selfish, and I admit that I am, but can't I be selfish, just this once? I mean, seriously, after all the self-neglection that I inflict upon myself, can't I just be selfish? But she's still by my side, though hundreds of miles away, she's always in my pocket, and just a heart beat away.

I should be more grateful.

I love every strand of hair that grows on your head. How can't I? We have the same messy and unmanageable hair, the same small un-Malay like eyes, the same dark, red skin, the same large forehead... But you seem to forget that I'm no more older than that precious gem. How could I possibly carry your burden... I comfort you when he hates you. I follow you, just so you won't feel alone. I live my life revolving over yours. But you're never there for me. And you're always wrong, always... I cannot stand another day of you releasing all that ugly anger you possess by lashing it out at me. I'm 20, and that may be old enough, but, you're 55, and he's 55, and he's 25, and he's 23. My point is, I'm younger, and I want to be treated as such. But, I'll always have you. Even if you're 15, and even if you don't understand what is happening, and even if you don't talk to me much, I'll still, always, have you.

I should be more grateful.




And you, after my tiring pleas, and your anything but sincere forgiveness, you still deem me as unworthy. I know I treated you like no one should have been treated, but I changed all that makes me me, and only for you... But, you forgave me, when I know it must have been the hardest thing for you to do.

I should be more grateful.










Everything's moving, developing, at a very, fast pace. And though I'm surrounded by this large crowd, I know I'm standing alone.

But I should really be more grateful, because at the very least, I still have me.




[gambar ini di-edit oleh Diana Syakila Syukor. pffft, ape2jelah.]